Silver Linings

I apologize for being such a Negative Nancy in my last post. It's always a bad thing when I log into my blog after a hard day, because things spill out and the filter is almost nonexistent. And when you combine hard days with self-pity... well, you get the last post. So again, I apologize.

So, all whining aside, things have been... good? Normal. I think normal is a better word. No doubt I have had some great moments with the kids, lots of giggles and tickles and running and dancing. The snot is diminishing (except in me... of course), and therefore normalcy is returning to the house. I have a feeling that some (by no means all) of Alex's outbursts were due to her feeling under the weather, so things have gotten better. Either that or my tolerance has just gotten stronger. I do tend to laugh when the tantrums begin, only because they are so outrageous. I think that Alex has finally caught on that the kicking/screaming/slamming head on ground thing won't work. And for me, the only thing that does seem to work is ignoring. Time-outs are a bust, because they turn into a FANTASTIC game of cat and mouse, and Alex is fighting fits of giggles the whole time, which in turn makes me laugh. Really ruins the discipline aspect of the whole ordeal.

Eli is feeling better as well, and therefore giving me a bit more sleep at night. We had one awful awful night, where I was up with him until 3, and then finally fell asleep on the couch for about 2 hours (because the walk back to my bed was just becoming depressing because I knew it wouldn't last for very long), and then back up at 5, only to have him fall asleep on me around 6. Then of course Alex was up at 7. So, hard night. But, strangely enough, now that I am far removed from that night, I am really thankful for it. It led to pure exhaustion for me the next night. Because of that, alot of Eli's crying was being incorporated into my dreams. I wasn't getting up when cried, and he'd eventually put himself back to sleep. I've been wanting to let him 'cry it out' for a while now, but I am so SCARED that his crying will wake up Alex that I jump up at the sound of the first sniffle. Well, that night, he cried, and I slept (some), and since then, I've been ok letting him cry here and there, and he's been putting himself back to sleep. Fast forward to last night, and he only got up once. Huge success. So I feel like we are on the road to better days, and better nights. All good things.

This week has been long, and I know the reason, which doesn't make it any easier. My mom is flying in on Saturday, and the anticipation is so much that the days seem to creep by at such an infuriatingly slow pace that I want to run around pulling my hair out. I am so ready to have some live-in help, and you know what, a HUG. I am so excited to be on a receiving end of a HUG. The loneliness is still the hardest part of this, and I am beginning to think that that will be true for the next 2.5 months.

Well, I hear the little one stirring upstairs. I hope I successfully conveyed that there are GOOD things happening in this house right alongside the hard parts. It's easy to focus on the hard parts... but life is easier when you choose otherwise. And so that's what I do. :)