Journey

I'm almost 28.  On July 9, nothing extraordinary will happen.  The stars will not realign.  The earth will not shift.  The birds will not sing any other song than the one they holler every morning.  But I will be a day older, and that day happens to begin a new year in my life.  28.  I think I've been telling people I was 28 for about two years now, which may explain why I am not particularly excited by my birthday anymore.  Who has time to keep track of these things?

But also I think it's something else.  I think the last year or two of my life has set me on a journey, and I believe that that journey has an end point in mind.  I think there is specific growth happening, growth that is preparing me for whatever the years I have left are going to bring.  I think that everything from the people I've met to the books that I've read to the cupcakes that I have made have been steering me (maybe sometimes shoving me) to something.  Something that is happening... tomorrow?  Next year?  When I turn 50?  On my death bed, which hopefully is quite a few years from now?  I don't know.  But something is there, looming in my future.  And I know only one thing.  That something has absolutely postively nothing to do with me.  So, turning a year older?  Not that big of deal.

Did you know that I am not the center of the earth?  That the sun does not rise so I can be grumpy about being up too early?  That the rain does not fall in order to ruin my plans?  That people everywhere do not plan their life according to what I post on facebook?  *gasp*  I know.  I'll give you a minute.  Gather yourself.

It's like I have been living my life for these first almosttwenty-eight years with my head down, staring at my feet, walking forward and wondering why I keep running into things.  Now, I'm not a selfish person.  I don't think.  I like to believe that I give freely and that I can be depended upon.  But I think it's human nature to run around, even passively, wondering why it is that things keep getting in your way.  Why things just don't work out for you.  And I think it's shocking for people when they look up and see that there are others running around wondering the exact same thing.  It's easy to get lost in yourself, in your life plans, in your job, in your day, in you.  And I think it's easy to be so lost that you don't realize you are doing it.  I'm sure there are some reading this and thinking "She is so right!  I can't stand those people!"  But honestly, I think it's the majority. 

That's why it's so shocking to meet someone with their head up, looking around, searching for people in need and attending to them, forgetting themselves.  It makes your head snap up, your fog clear, even for the briefest of moments.  And then you hope and pray that you can have the strength to keep your head up too.  Because in those first moments, it's hard.  It strains your neck, having to use the muscles from keeping your head from drooping.  It hurts to look all around you and see the masses of people that are in so much pain that your heart doubles in weight just from glancing them for the briefest of moments.  It's makes your brain swim to take in just how big this world is, and just how little of it has to do with you.

I had the pleasure of meeting one of those people recently, and I hope and pray to God that the change has been permanent.  Because this world is too big, and this life is too short, to spend the whole time looking at your own feet.