Gal's Shopping Day

1) Go to Kohl's. Mother is in an excellent mood due to extraordinarily long nap on account of soothing thunderstorms. This will be a good day.

2) Carry child into store, notice that there aren't any shopping carts with child seat attached at this entrance. Not a problem, walk over to the other side of the store.

3) What luck! There's one more left (among dozens and dozens of regular carts).

4) Cart number one is squeaky. That's ok. I can deal with a little squeak. But this is a lot of squeak. Nope, can't handle that for the whole trip. I don't get out much. I want to do this trip squeakless.

5) Remember seeing lady at checkout at first entrance with a child-friendly cart. I'll go wait.

6) While I wait, I see no less than THREE couples WITHOUT kids using kiddie carts. I make sure to give them all dirty pregnant-lady-carrying-child-who-is-imitating-a-clock-which-involves-her-swinging-violently-back-and-forth-in-mother's-arms looks. Dirty, dirty looks. Fight the urge to take their hangers and shove them through their ears. Realize that this pregnancy has finally taken hold of my brain, and therefore all of my rational (or lack-there-of) thought.

7) Lady finishes checkout. I take over cart. Realize that cart number two has a busted buckle. This will not do. Clock-imitating is dangerous if not belted in. Would be yelling BABY OVERBOARD within ten feet. Cart number 2= fail.

8) Consider stalking childless couples.

9) See a userless child cart in middle of the misses section. High-five child and plop her in. Begin to push cart and realize that front wheels spin wildly out of control, causing cart to appear to be going over speed bumps every 3 feet. Wonder if I can get away with this one. Look at child's head bouncing off of rail and decide to ditch this one too. Cart number 3= fail.

10) Give up and see if I can go find squeaky cart again. Arms getting tired. Back getting tired. CONTRACCCTTTIIIOOONNNN..... OW OW OW. Anyway, where is that cart?

11) See two carts at entrance #2. Pick one that haven't tried yet. Squeaky. But not as squeaky as the other one.

12) Do shopping as quickly as possible. You lost business today, Kohls! I would have bought much more if the squeak hadn't driven me out of the store!

13) Stop at grocery store on the way home for milk.

14) Give child keys to play with while in store.

15) Purchase milk, salad, dressing, potato salad, coffee things, pop, and treats for dog.

16) Return to car to find that trunk and both sliding doors are wiiiiiide open. Look at child. Child returns look. Take keys with door-opening buttons away from child. Child begins to scream.



Good day.